Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
