The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
