Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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