Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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