I skipped work to stalk him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
