soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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