im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm too high and old for this...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
