I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
