My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize