You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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