I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Small penises have feelings too.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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