If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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