He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize