I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
