Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
