Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
