So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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