we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
