our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
