I'd wear matching sweaters with you
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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