Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
