I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
