I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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