It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
