you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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