so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
