we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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