6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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