First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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