Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
