2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
