In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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