Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
