You can't motorboat a personality
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
