woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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