My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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