she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
