yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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