You're like the curious george of whores
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
