this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pants are for mortals
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
