i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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