You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
