I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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