Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
did i just pee glitter
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
