She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
