he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
