That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
please come you make the beer taste better
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
