my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize