is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
