i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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