My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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