How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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