It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
