I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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