when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
