she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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