I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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