my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
