"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your cock deserves a montage
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
