i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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