Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
