I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
