Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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