Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
