She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
