you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is my gift to your gina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
