i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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