We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize