My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
where are my eyebrows?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
