btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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